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Rant of the Spider Woman

We’ve been gone two years.

An observation is in order

Since we left our friends behind

And crossed the Florida border.

Hoosiers now, we’re happy

With our soybeans and our corn.

The folks here are quite friendly

And the winters must be borne.

But there’s one thing that I’ve noticed

When I contrast and I compare

Florida’s eight-legged creatures

With arachnids I find here.

Spiders in the Sunshine State

Are big and bright and scary.

Indiana’s are inferior

They’re light and rather airy.

I’ll find one in a corner

And smash it with one swipe.

I never see a giant one

With black and yellow stripes.

I remember abject fear

They smote into my heart

When I’d find one in the bathroom;

Across the floor it’d dart

I’d pursue it like a hunter

Sandal raised in my right hand

SMACK! I missed it! Where’d it go?

To Never-Never Land?

But Indiana spiders

Are much easier to kill

One quick whack; it’s over.

No fear, no chase, no thrill.

Yes, Hoosier ones are boring

And decidedly quite thinner

Florida’s are so big

You could fry them up for dinner.

And so, friends, in conclusion,

I’ll admit it with a sigh

I’ll probably live longer here

Blood pressure not so high

I miss my friends in Florida

Your songs, your love, your hugs

But I cannot say I really miss

Your spiders, snakes and bugs.

Copyright 2022 by Kate Carpenter

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